I Can't Set Foot in Denmark
by GrandOldPenguin
Summary: In this story set to take place directly after the actual TV episode "Launchtime," Kowalski and Private try to convince a reluctant Skipper to tell them why he is not allowed in Denmark. After some initial resistance, Skipper tells the others his story.


After chasing the interloping and larcenous King Julien and the other two lemurs around the zoo for a few minutes with a hammer, Skipper declared Operation: Hammerhead over. "All right, boys," he said, stopping to tell the other penguins, "we've had our fun."

The lemurs were still running a short distance ahead, too far to hear Skipper give his orders to give up the chase, but close enough to notice that the penguins were no longer in pursuit.

"So that's it, sir? Are we desisting?" Kowalski inquired.

"English, man!" Skipper replied, confused.

"Are we finished with this operation?" Kowalski asked, revising his previous question.

"Our work here is done, boys," Skipper said. "Let's go home."

The penguins then waddled back to their habitat, and Kowalski, Rico, and Private soon descended the ladder into their underground HQ. But Skipper spent a few minutes alone up above, staring at the moon. "If only," he said sadly to himself before going down to join his comrades.

When he entered, Skipper found the other penguins were already in their beds. They were all still awake, however, and had left the light on for Skipper so he could see when he returned.

"We sure had Julien thinking he'd be getting a bump on the noggin, didn't we, Skipper?" Private said after noticing that Skipper had entered the room.

"That was the plan," Skipper replied. "I wouldn't have actually hit him, though; I just wanted to see him run—and fast enough for that fancy little crown of his to blow off his royal head!"

"A success on that one, sir!" Kowalski stated.

"Uh-huh!" Rico mumbled in agreement.

"All right, boys, time for some shut-eye," Skipper said, heading over to the light switch to turn it off. "In fact, I'm so tired I suggest we close both of them."

Skipper waddled in the dark over to his bed, felt around with his flippers to get his bearings, and then climbed in. "Goodnight, boys," he said to his team. "Private, I hope you're making sardine pancakes in the morning."

"Yes, sir," Private replied. "Can I make them with love?"

"How 'bout you don't and say you did," Skipper replied.

"But they're so much better if I—" Private began to argue before being cut off by Skipper.

"Fine, but just for tomorrow," Skipper conceded. "But only because we all need to unwind after today's adventures. Now nighty-night."

Skipper then rolled over in his bed to face the wall, discovering that he was not alone. "Ouch! Hey, what the heck is this?" Skipper shouted as he reached for the hard object with his right flipper.

"Denmark," it said as Skipper bumped a button on it.

"Kowalski, you left your computing device in my bed!" Skipper declared. "Here, come take it from me."

Kowalski reached up to Skipper to take the device from him. Not wanting to get out of bed to put it away, Kowalski simply turned it off and stuffed it under his pillow. Since his pillow was thick and fluffy, Kowalski knew that the hardness of the device wouldn't be a bother to him, so he put his head back on his pillow and shut his eyes. He then put a flipper on his head and rubbed it, thinking quietly to himself.

About a minute passed before Kowalski broke the silence. "Skipper, why aren't you allowed in Denmark?" he asked in an inquisitive, yet still submissive tone.

"I already told you, that's private, Private!" Skipper declared.

"I didn't say anything, sir," Private stated. "Besides, you already told me that earlier."

"I mean, that's Kowalski, private!" Skipper said, fumbling his words. "I mean, that's private, Kowalski! Oh, you know what I mean!"

"No use getting all worked up, Skipper," Private said. "Let's all go to sleep. You said yourself that you were quite sleepy."

"Agreed," Kowalski said. "We can all just forget about Skipper's secrets."

"Secrets!" Skipper shouted as he jumped out of bed and onto the floor, suddenly full of adrenaline and no longer sleepy. "I don't have any secrets."

"Well, surely something keeps you from setting foot in Denmark," Private said while getting out of bed and walking over to Skipper.

"Whatever it is, we'll understand and keep it between us," Kowalski said, joining up with Skipper and Private in the middle of the floor after turning on the lights. "What happens in the HQ stays in the HQ."

"No, what happens in Denmark stays in Denmark," Skipper said, correcting Kowalski.

"So you've been to Denmark?" Private asked.

"Denmark!" Rico said as he sat up in bed. He then dove out of his bed and slid on his belly over to where the other penguins were, stopping when he slid into Private.

"I'm afraid I can't discuss it," Skipper said, walking away from the others.

Private followed Skipper and caught up to him, putting a flipper on his leader's back. "We're your friends, we're your team," he said. "We shouldn't keep things from each other. No matter what, we've got your back."

"Well, you've literally got it now," Skipper joked to Private with a slight smile.

"Sorry, sir," Private said, removing his flipper from Skipper's back.

"No harm done, Private," Skipper said. "You know, I think we've really got a good group here, and you're right, we shouldn't keep things from each other."

Skipper then waddled over to the sink and poured himself a glass of water. "Boys?" he asked, gesturing toward the faucet.

"I'm good," Kowalski said.

"None for me, thanks," Private replied.

"Water!" Rico shouted.

Skipper poured a glass for Rico, too, then walked over to the table and put the two glasses down. "Pull up a chair, boys," he said. "Let's talk about Denmark."

The other penguins sat down at the table. Skipper took a sip of his water, sighed, and then began to speak. "You boys all know I'm not a native New Yorker, right?" he asked.

"Affirmative," Kowalski said.

"I do, too, sir," Private responded.

"Pittsburgh!" Rico shouted.

"Yes, Rico, I hatched at the Pittsburgh Zoo & Aquarium oh so many years ago," Skipper replied. "And might I just say what a fine hockey team that city has."

"The Pittsburgh Penguins?" Private asked.

"Yup. I know not of a more beautifully named sporting team," Skipper said with a smile while looking at his flippers, proud of being a penguin. "But I didn't come here right from Pittsburgh. I did a little stint in Copenhagen first."

"Copenhagen: Denmark's capital and largest city," Kowalski began. "Population: 1,167,569. Elevation: Four meters. Mayor—"

"Kowalski, I think we get the idea," Skipper said, ending Kowalski's fact recitation.

"You must forgive the hippocampus, Skipper," Kowalski said, apologizing.

"I don't know what that is, but it's forgiven," Skipper replied.

"It's the part of the brain responsible for converting facts into long-term memory," Kowalski said.

"Kowalski!" Skipper shouted.

"I'm done," Kowalski said.

"Alrighty then, back to my story," Skipper said, continuing his tale. "One day I found myself crated in Pittsburgh and a few days later I walked out at the Copenhagen Zoo."

"Did they dart you?" Private asked.

"Fortunately, no," Skipper replied. "They just kind of packed me in there. The only time I've been shot with a dart was back at Grand Central with you guys. But anyway, I was part of the Copenhagen Zoo's penguin exhibit for a few months. Until the—even though it's such a clichéd description—_the incident_."

"What happened, Skipper?" Private asked.

"Well, Private, that's about to be private no more," Skipper said. "After being with the other penguins for a while, I began to see that their system of government was ineffective, full of tedious bureaucracies, wasteful spending, and infringements on the liberties I grew up knowing in the United States. So I decided to challenge the king of the penguins to become leader, hoping to be peaceably elected not as king, but as a responsible executive."

"What's so wrong with that?" Kowalski inquired.

"Well, maybe you didn't hear me, but I said 'king of the penguins,' Kowalski," Skipper replied. "They operated under a monarchy system. There was no challenging the king's absolute authority. And I mean this guy was vastly more intolerable than our nutty neighbor, the so-called 'King' Julien. While a few other penguins quietly supported me becoming leader, most were dirty birds loyal to the king and promptly had me arrested and tried for attempting to overthrow the government, which, of course, was a greatly overblown charge."

"What next, sir?" Private asked.

"Well," Skipper continued, "I was found guilty by a jury of 12 lower-bird disgraces to the penguin species and sentenced to time in the iron igloo."

"Iron igloo?" Kowalski asked, confused.

"Jail, Kowalski," Skipper responded. "They were going to make a jailbird out of me."

Rico gasped in horror and accidentally knocked over his glass of water.

"But you didn't do anything wrong!" Private shouted to Skipper, appalled at what the penguins of Denmark had done to him.

"Well, not here, no," Skipper replied. "But there, at the Copenhagen Zoo, their laws and government is different."

"What next?" Rico mumbled to Skipper while wiping up his spilled water with a towel.

"Well, I sure wasn't going to stick around there and be imprisoned for desiring democracy," Skipper said. "I managed to escape the zoo with a little help from a few supporters just days before I was to report to the iron igloo, but before I did, I swiped the king's crown in protest. I spent the next two or so years wandering about and having a few adventures, meeting both friend and foe along the way, before eventually ending up here in New York. And I'm not exactly sure how I ended up here or how far I ever got from Denmark, I just kind of went to sleep one night and woke up here alone. And that's the way it was."

"But there's nothing nefarious or sinister about that story at all, Skipper," Kowalski declared. "Why have you never told us before?"

"Because I'm guilty," Skipper said with a sigh. "Regardless of the fact that none of us consider what I did to be a crime, I was still found guilty of one."

"Of wanting democracy and freedom by peaceful means?" Private said. "You, sir, are guilty of nothing but respect—from all penguins."

Skipper smiled as he realized that his teammates truly understood the reason he couldn't set foot in Denmark, and were supportive of the actions he took.

"Do you still have the crown?" Kowalski asked Skipper, though he was a bit hesitant as to if it was appropriate to ask such a question.

"I sold it years ago, Kowalski," Skipper replied.

"Why?" Rico asked.

"Well, boys, you know that voting machine we use every two years when you guys vote me for leader?" Skipper asked his team. "I bought it with the money I got when I sold the crown."

"But Skipper, we'd never want anyone else but you to be our leader," Private declared.

"Maybe so," Skipper replied. "But I only want to be your leader legitimately, and that means being elected. I wouldn't want it any other way."

"Maybe it also makes you feel less guilty when you slap us?" Private asked with a friendly grin.

"That, too, Private," Skipper answered, chuckling. He then yawned as the sleepiness came back to him. "Time for bed, boys. For real this time."

Kowalski waited for the other penguins to get into their beds, then he moved his computing device from behind his pillow to the shelf across the room where he usually kept it. He turned out the light and then made his way over to his bunk. "You know, Skipper," he said as he was climbing under the covers, "I don't think I can set foot on the moon."

"Why not, Kowalski?" Skipper asked.

There was a short period of silence before Kowalski gave his reply. "Well, moon dust, Skipper. It's probably too thick for any of us penguins to walk through."

Private and Rico laughed, but Skipper just remained silent and rolled his eyes. A moment later, however, he smiled to himself. "Goodnight, boys," he said, then drifted off to sleep.

When morning came, Skipper woke up before any of the other penguins. He stretched his flippers up in the air and scooted over to sit on the edge of his bed. He then ducked his head into Private's bed directly below and smiled when he saw Private sleeping. He then looked lower, noticing one of Rico's flippers hanging over the edge of his bed, and again smiled before sitting back up. _Regardless of whatever circumstances brought me here_, Skipper thought to himself, _there's no place I'd rather be_.

Skipper then jumped off his bed and waddled over to the stove. He soon after got started on making a batch of sardine pancakes.

A few minutes later, Kowalski was awakened by the sounds Skipper was making by cooking up the pancakes. He watched Skipper for a moment or two, then popped his head into Private's bed. "Now that's something you don't see every day," he said to Private, waking him up, pointing to Skipper at the stove.

"Glad to see you boys up," Skipper said, noticing Private and Kowalski conversing.

Rico woke up from all the chatter.

"Sorry I beat you to it, Private," Skipper said to Private while lifting a pancake out of the frying pan with a fork. "I just got up a little early and wanted to get things started."

"Do I detect a hint of love, sir?" Private called out to Skipper, sniffing the air.

"Try one and see, boys," Skipper replied. "Try one and see."


End file.
